At times life gets overwhelming, with all the terrible things happening in the world and our own personal struggles at home. Things happen to those we love and those we’ve never met, and our own daily tasks somehow multiply overnight. It can be too much, which makes even just one more thing, even the smallest thing, even something that is potentially good, a breaking point.
The unexpected build up of tasks over the last week, accompanied by a terrible cold and just general world darkness, has made even a simple task like checking my email an anxiety-filled nightmare. The potential for yet another thing happening, something else that needs to be dealt with or even a personal message to respond to, makes the already long list of tasks seem impossible.
I am coping. I am tackling things one at a time, and making sure that I do tackle them. Far too often the stress of so much to do can be paralyzing. I check that email, read the messages even if the ping of their arrival makes my heart nearly stop; what needs my attention now? I know that likely it’s a pleasant message from a friend, but the mental checklist of everything that demands my attention flashes before my eyes at the chance that that ping brings with it another task to do, something more than just a chat or fika (though even those require time and attention), the potential that there will be paperwork or even emotional turmoil.
Isn’t anxiety grand that way? But this is not far from the common day stress that most people experience if they are living like adults. Bills need to be paid, jobs done, and other people communicated with. We have to adult.
One day at a time, one task at a time, I am grateful for understanding friends and the act of journaling, both a bullet journal for organization and daily journal for venting that anxious energy. Other means of coping and venting and relaxing also help, like getting to the gym or settling in with a good book, but those require time that I am stressed to spend on myself. And I have to remind myself that taking care of me is necessary and important.
So that’s where I’m at right now. That’s why I’m behind on Blogtober and why I am nowhere close to considering a project for NaNoWriMo. That’s why I’m a bit more absent, a bit more emotional when present. I am working through it, but it is still overwhelming right now, so I am putting my focus where it is most needed. Hopefully soon I can return to doing multiple things at once. For now, I will post as best I can, when I can.